Where are the words when I need them

This morning made me feel like the white rabbit from Alice in Wonderland. From the time I woke up, till around 1 pm, I was cooking, driving, changing diapers, getting kids dressed, eating, feeding and loading kids in and out of the green monster (our van). Yes, I got a lot done and was so relieved to finally get back to the house and call nap time.

Half way through nap time, my husband sent me a text with a link about a man in the UK that was diagnosed with MS about a year ago. It peeked my interest, and, since I never really get to take a nap during nap time, I decided to read it. Honestly, I thought it would be about a lady with MS, since it's not very common for men to be diagnosed. So it was very interesting, and I couldn't stop reading it. It wasn't the usual article I've read for the past 13 years (that's how long I've known I have it), it was from a man's prospective, a son and a father, but at the same time, it address almost everything I have gone through. Seriously. It even reminded me of a time a couple years ago when I was talking with some ladies I know. But before I tell that, here's the link if you want to read it. http://www.newstatesman.com/lifestyle/2015/06/alphabet-months-year-living-multiple-sclerosis

Alright, I'll start off by telling you that about 5 or more years ago I heard a story about Fred Astaire talking to some actors and actresses about a serious topic. Marily Monroe walks up and tried to join in on the conversation with only hearing a little bit of what they were talking about. She was completely off on the subject and Fred just looked at her and said "sure" and then went back to talking to the other people, making Marilyn look and probably feel dumb. Anyways, that's pretty much how I felt when this happened. 

The ladies and I worked with the young women at our church. We were discussing what all we could do to help and teach them new stuff we got. I climbed in, wanting to tell them something that I didn't know, myself, at the young women's age and wanted ideas of how we could get them ready for it. Instead, I ended up telling them about something that happened to me when I went from going to church with my parents to the (what we call) singles branch. (If you want details about that, feel free to ask me) two of the ladies looked at me and said, "thanks for that story," and they moved on to talking about other things. I was so mad at myself for not saying anything even remotely close to what I wanted to say, I just sat there through the rest of the meeting. 

A year or so later, I was asked to be a Sunday School teacher with the same age group at church with another lady. Now ,you have to understand, a lot of people, for some reason, think that I'm anything but shy. Honestly, I am. I am shy. I love being around people, but if there are more than two people looking at me at once, my face goes completely red. Heck, even if one person is looking at me too long while I'm talking to them, I turn red and usually just stop talking in hopes they'll look somewhere else. Anyways, after I agreed to be a Sunday School teacher, I messaged the other teacher and asked her to help me. I asked her to keep me on track with whatever I first started talking about, if I happened to start going off on something else. She was a teacher, degree and everything, and she really was a big help. 

So I'm not sure how much of this makes sense, but there's a little more insight to my day and thought processes. 

Here we go again!

Well this summer has been one for the journals. The past couple months have been the most life changing and stressful that I think I have ever gone through. And it's taking its toll on me and letting my MS have some fun.

First, it started with one of my kids being diagnosed with autism. Wasn't a big deal to us, we still love him just the same and were kind of expecting that to be the case. 

Then, a few weeks before our baby turned 6 months, we found out that I was pregnant, yet again. Again, no bill deal to us, we have clothes, toys, books or whatever for either gender now. 

Next, came a text from my mom saying my dad had been in a car accident and was in the ICU. He ended up being just fine after a lot of pain meds and even more rest. 

But here is why it's been such a big deal. Money. For about the past year, we have been planning, shopping, and trying to fix our house up to sell. I know money is a problem for everyone, and not everyone can do things they've planned anyways, but here's the big kicker. I'm not asking for money, help or sympathy, just a chance to explain my stress. 

Since we bought our house almost 6 years ago, we have done a lot of fix it up to what it is now, just still wanted to put in hardwood flooring and replace the tiles on the kitchen and bathroom floors. After trying to level the house off with cement blocks, we finally settled on it'll take too long and best just to replace the carpet and go with linoleum for the kitchen and bathrooms. Again, why money is an issue here. 

When I'm pregnant, that costs $155 a month till I deliver the baby. Not a huge thing, we've done it before. It's the autism part that costs the most. My son has already been getting 3 different types of therapy for at least once a week for a little over 2 years now. Paying for the gas was a pain, but that is also one of the HUGE reasons to sell the house, just now, we have an even bigger one. Now that he has an official diagnoses of being autistic, the insurance company is more than willing to pay for a lot more. He gets to start a fun new therapy (new for him) called ABA therapy. The insurance company will cover unlimited visits (which is amazing), just we have to pay the co-pays. Doesn't sounds too bad right? Didn't to us either, till we were told he'll need it 5 times a week. You do the math, or think of how much you'd pay a month buying a nice BMW convertible. 

So, while we've been trying to deal with raising our 3 kids. Taking kids to dr appointments and my own dr appointments, all while being pregnant, my husband is also trying to go to school to get an MBA. I also ran off to help my dad after he got out of the hospital, taking my my youngest with me. So ya, the flooring hasn't happened yet, and we still need to either repaint the house or just do some touch up. My arms go back and forth on which one is going to be numb for that day and/or time. My Achilles, for some odd reason, refuses to let me point my toes, and my left ankle is swollen and sometimes hard to walk on. 

But we're still going and we'll get through this, just another obstacle in life we get to deal with as a family.