Today started with tears

Before I get going, let me just say, I am one of those people that hates to cry (gives me a nasty headache) and I usually deal with hard stuff with humor. 

I am a stay at home mother of three. My days start off with me waking up and my husband has already been at work for a couple hours. Today I woke up (husband was already gone to work) and all 3 kids were still sleeping. So I thought I'd check Facebook. Bad idea. There was a video someone shared about a couple that lost their baby (made me cry of course). Then I started thinking about my kids and how lucky I am to have them in my life. 

My mind trailed off to other things that have been going on lately too. A lot of people have been asking me if we're going to have another to keep things even at 4 kids. I tell them I just had a baby and I don't know. The truth is, in my mind we already have 4 kids. 

On July 13, 2013 I has a miscarriage. I knew it was coming from the irregular heart beat on the ultrasounds and bleeding. I lost the baby while at home. My husband and I cried and held each other for at least an hour and I called and talked to a friend for probably another hour. 

The next day I wasn't sure what to do with the same fetus that we had lost. So I decided to put it in the box my wedding right came in and we buried it. 

Why the reason for this long sappy story? Because while I have been thinking about that baby I lost all day, I have also gotten more done in 3 hours trying not to stress about remembering when this happened, than I have all week. 

My MS scares me so bad that I go above and beyond to make sure I don't over stress or make myself depressed without even thinking. I didn't start crying and think, oh no I better find things to distract myself. I just got the kids out of bed and kept doing things. 

I've seen a lot of things about how a decease doesn't have a person, they have the decease. While that might work for some people, I'm alright with it either way. I know that after I found out I have MS that I started working out like crazy to keep it from doing anything. I even changed my major or college to help deal with it. 

Anyways, I know that I have become a better person, harder worker, more motivated and even happier all because of it. It shapes my life and a lot of the choices I make in it.